today's turning out to be one of those days where i wish i never woke up in the morning.
i have cramps, dammit. and i feel like crap.
i can't steady my hands enough to pick up a pen to write, i can't focus on anything for too long without feeling like i need to throw up, i can't sit up in my chair without crouching over and wishing i could crawl back into bed.
I WANT TO REMOVE EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ME FEMALE.
i want to puke, i want to sleep, i want to whine, i want to cry, hormones are nonsense.
my head hurts, my abdomen hurts, my back hurts, even my legs hurt, for crying out loud. water retention. i want to sleep but my mother is annoying me. she comes into my room clomping away in her slippers and yelling, "why aren't you up yet?? i hate waking you up, you never get up the moment i tell you to." and i was thinking like, who asked you to wake me up? but i had no bloody energy to say anything so i just rolled out of bed. but why can't i sleep in on a Saturday?? why can't i stay in bed if i feel like crap? why can't she leave me alone to sleep when right now, my body just wants to sleep and sleep and sleep until the cramps disappear?
argh today is one of those days i hope no one crosses me wrongly. i will snap if i have the energy to cos i'm so so so sosososososososososo bloody grumpy and pissed off with the world. pissed off that girls have to endure monthly cramps, as if it's not enough leaking blood for a week each month. no, the loss of blood HAS to come with pain too right. as if it's not enough cramps are the bane of my existence, i can't even sleep well to fight the cramps away cos whenever i sleep when i have my period, i make sure i sleep stiffly straight so i won't stain the bed. and it's not as if pain in my tummy is not quite enough right, i also have to always feel like throwing everything inside me up. like now. like last month. like how many trillion months since i got my first period in Primary 5. can you imagine? i've been enduring this nonsense ever since i was a little girl. 11 years old. it's been 9 years since. 12 periods a year for 9 years. that makes.. 108 times!
i'm sorry if all this was too much info for you, but i need to vent. i resent being a girl and having to go through all this. i resent my periods. i resent the cramps. i resent the hormones that make me grouchy. i resent the hormones that make me feel like dying.
pfft. i really really want to die. hurts like hell.
