i've been waiting for today since term2 started.
today is the saturday of my first long weekend!
long weekend 'cause tomorrow's mayday and monday is a bonus mayday holiday!
my old sinus struck me again last night and forced me to crawl into bed with watery eyes and a runny nose at 1am. i sneezed the whole night and woke up feeling exhausted, so i think i'll retire into bed after this post.
and the heat these days has been UNBEARABLE!!!!!!!!!
it always looks as if it's gonna rain in the morning with dark clouds in the sky and all, but it never rains!
speaking of mornings.
i found out yesterday morning that the school bell and clock is very highly irregular.
when i got to the school gate yesterday, the clock in the car read 725am.
now, i usually accept that i'm gonna be late for school the moment the clock read 721, 'cause the last two times i've been booked, that's what the clock said.
but yesterday at 725, there were still people walking through the gate at a leisurely pace and best of all, there wasn't any teacher at the gate!
so though i'm glad i wasn't late yesterday, i'm puzzled at the accuracy of my time.

anyway. i'm gonna do lots of work this weekend!
i'm gonna write my war lit essay, read my gp package and finish half my geog notes for the test on friday (yes, my test was postponed).
lunch at sakae at junction8 with mom was very filling.
and doing grocery shopping with mom is very therapeutic. it's like ironing my own clothes. i don't want to start on it, but once i begin doing it, it's extremely soothing to the nerves.

such noble aspirations i've got, but such a lot of things to do.
first things first: a nap's in order!

2:39 PM;

i can't believe i stayed back in school from 150 all the way to 430 for some ticketing briefing that wasn't even a meeting. it lasted for all of 45min max. whooboy.
at least i managed to get something like 4 pages of my hydro lecture 6 notes read.
and i discovered that the library is really a very comfortable place to sleep!
took a 20min nap on one of those leather couches curled up in a ball.
and to make my whole library experience more comfortable, i made sure i brought along my mini pillow with me to school this morning haha!
but i woke up with a splitting headache and i think that's 'cause i haven't been getting enough sleep the past few days.
i think this calls for a 1030 night tonight!

hmm. i feel rather - rather - rather lost these days.
i don't really know KNOW why, but it's quiteee unsettling.
and i don't quite like being in such a state of suspended emotions. :(
i know i think too much for my own good sometimes, but i do like to get my thoughts in order.
only i can't!!
i hope dad calls soon.
the library is comfortable and all (as i found out today!), but i really wanna eat my dinner.
being broke is no fun. NO fun at all.
ARGH why are school websites so skimpy?? they don't contain the info that you need.
like the english or lit HOD's emails or phone extensions.
well you see, this is the admin work that i get to do in drama!
everyone thinks it's strange how i'm in drama but i don't do any actual acting.
i think it's weird too actually.
dinner! dad! bleah!

5:24 PM;

i just need someplace to thresh out my thoughts, and i think here'd be the perfect place.
i was just thinking. how much time can i spare?
then i thought: how much time do i want to give up?
the amount of actual free time i have and the amount of free time i'm willing to forego are vastly different.
and being a creature of habit and leisure, i fiercelyand very wholehartedly guard my free time. if i put in the same amount of heart into doing other things, i'd be a highflyer by now i think.
but back to my questions.
it's not so much a question of whether i can operate at a slightly higher level for the next few weeks, but whether i want to step up my responsibilities.
right here right now, the main dilemma is not so much whether i'm afraid to fail, but whether i WANT to or not.
so does this make it a moral impasse?
HELP!!!
i need to articulate my thoughts.
or like in The Things They Carried, where the soldiers cussed 'cause they simply couldn't find the appropriate words to say. yeah. i feel abit like doing that now.
(&(*&&%%$#%##@#@!q
played softball during double pe today! and robertatan's baaaack.
when i saw her this morning, i really stood stock still for 5 whole seconds before wailing oh nooooooooooooo.
i cannot believe that i stubbed my toe on the bases while running today, but the humongous pain in my little toe says that i did.
and thanks to the walking eagle (okay not really, but somewhat), i was late for mom and dad's thanksgiving mass at novena to commemorate their 24th wedding anniversary. dad picked me up from school and we got there like, 30min late.

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MOM AND DAD!!
not that they'll ever read this, but just for fun! :)

sigh and i still haven't resolved my inner conflict.

7:46 PM;

the weekend flew by me far too quickly for my liking again.
mondays always seem to loom big and menacing in the horizon even on a lazy sunday afternoon like today.
i wish i had a more productive weekend though!
hmm. i don't think i got a single scrap of work done at all.
i tried starting on my e4 essay today but i've only gone so far as the intro for my outline.
and on saturday, i attempted to study for a human geog test. having NO IDEA of when both the human and phy geog tests are, i decided to just start reading my tourism notes. like to get started and all.
i found out today that the human geog test was supposed to be tomorrow but has thankfully been postponed to week8.
and that the physical geog test is on friday.
and who do i find all these out from?
chelsa, who doesn't even do geog!!!!
i must be stuck in my own dreamworld during geog lessons.
dinner last night at pastamania was good. lunch today at crystal jade was good too! considering the amount i ate this weekend, i should be pretty darn worried about my weight.
plus the mrs field's triple fudge brownie and the 5 ondeh-ondehs i downed.
YUMMY but damn sweet and wonderful and oh-so-fattening!

i was just watching f1 and it was quite an exciting race! though kimi raikkonen retired far too early in the race for my liking, and when he was leading too!
tomorrow's monday.
i'm trying desperately to cheer myself up here but the monday blues are really and truly setting in.

9:37 PM;

decided to try my hand at doing my own layout again.
for the first time in a long time!
i even sat down to draw my picture last night while i watched survivor and twillight zone.
i'm quite happy with the end result here! :)
still tweaking around with the little bitty details but YEAH. haha.
anyway. i'm gonna do a pictorial wishlist, to make the gazillion things on my list seem more solid. yeah i know, it's all an illusion. but seeing the things that i want make them seem more real.



i want a creative zen micro, in pink preferably, even though cheryllee says it's nicer in white.
this would cost me $299 for 4G. which is enough for 1000 songs!
i like.




or i could get an ipod mini in pink, though i think it looks slightly uglier than its pretty ipod cousin.
still, i desperately need an mp3 player for i fear that my phone radio is very likely to die on me soon.

and there's still an assortment of clothes and shoes that i want.
but i think the more you have, the more you'll ultimately want.
so i gotta put a stop to all my wants!
and i didn't really like my lunch today. dad was still in his experimental cooking mood, so he decided to try cooking salmon porridge with EGG.
but it wasn't so bad in the end, 'cause i told dad i didn't want an egg in my porridge and just had smoked ham instead.

1:41 PM;

i'd rather you be mean
than love and lie
i'd rather hear the truth
and have to say goodbye
i'd rather take a blow
at least then i would know
but baby, don't you break my heart slow.
vonda shepard ` baby, don't you break my heart slow

i thought i saw a man brought to life
he was warm, he came around like he was dignified
he showed me what it was to cry
well you couldn't be that man i adored
you don't seem to know - or seem to care what your heart is for
i don't know him anymore
there's nothing where he used to lie
my conversation has run dry
that's what's going on
nothing's fine.
i'm torn
i'm all out of faith
this is how i feel
i'm cold and i am shamed, lying naked on the floor
illusion never changed
into something real
i'm wide awake and i can see the perfect sky is torn
you're a little late
i'm already torn.
natalie imbruglia ` torn

who made up all the rules?
we follow them like fools
believe them to be true
don't care to think them through
and i'm sorry, so sorry
i'm sorry it's like this
i'm sorry, so sorry
i'm sorry we do this
and it's ironic too
'cause what we tend to do
is act on what they say
and then it is that way
jem ` they

9:01 PM;

this entire week has been one hell of a rushed affair! it's already FRIDAY, but it sure doesn't feel like a week has passed me by since the last weekend. if this continues, the a-levels may be here even before i know it.

i woke up this morning in a perfectly good mood.
so i decided to use my colourful gradient pins! haha.
but mornings this past week have been quite bad for me 'cause i've been sleeping at 1130pm the past few nights.
and although i've only started to sleep at 1030pm recently, i think my body rather much prefers getting the extra hour or so of sleep. hence explaining my grouchy mornings.
i hate getting up grouchy. my whole day is ruined 'cause i'll be touchy and irritable, though i try very hard to hide my grumpiness.
i know how showing your lousy mood on the outside can affect people around you!
like today when people around me were feeling grouchy and all. i could feel the grumpy vibes!
but i guess everyone's entitled to their bad days. and i think i've had more than my fair share of grumpy-vibey days.
so as the day progressed, i became increasingly frustrated. because i was worried about annoying people around me! i know how i hate it when someone irritates me unintentionally when i'm sulky and all. so i didn't wanna do that today. which was quite stressful!
the image of me cautiously picking my way through a land mine popped into my brain.

econs test yesterday is a confirmed failure. i wasn't mentally prepared to take the test after coming back from the ngee ann poly talk thing!
oh actually. i wasn't prepared for the test, period. i couldn't bring myself to study the night before! which was wednesday night.
i think i must have been watching american idol. and anwar got eliminated and i will boycott the show!!
anyways. i digress.
i must do SOMETHING to save my sorry ass. i got back my e8 essay on tuesday and i got a frickin' E.
an E for lit is.
is.
is.
oh i don't know but an E for lit makes me wanna cry! E for prac crit!!
that's proof of my inherently lousy lit 'cause e8's the only subject you cannot study for. so. if i suck at e8 which depends solely on your lit ability.
what does that say about me????????
i was quite demoralized by my E.
but as i told khin, i'm a rubber ball and i will bounce back.

i woke up this morning and my eyes hurt too bad to put in my contacts. so i decided to not care about looking utterly stupid in my bent-out-of-shape glasses and wore them the entire day.
and my hair nowadays is in a perpetual mess. the plait won't stay! argh!
gp exam on wednesday was a desperate affair. there were no clocks around where i was sitting and i found out later that the nearest clock which i couldn't see anyway was spoilt.
much thanks to brian who put his watch on his table at an angle so that sabrin and i could see the time from our seats! large watch faces are rather useful.
i thought the essay was pretty alright at first since i chose the science and tech one and i did a science essay quite recently. but after talking to mel about it, i think my essay is the shallowest piece of crap the examiner's gonna read.
and the compre was about gay marriages, and i totally didn't have anything to write for the aq. i wrote two sides of rubbish just to fill up space.

i actually took part in ac's track and field day thing for the first time in my entire life and had javelin FINALS yesterday!!
i told my dad and he was like, HAHAHAHA. you mean no one took part??
and he was right! there weren't really heats and they just called the event FINALS.
which i must say looks pretty good on paper. :)

dad's home for dinner!
this will be my first full meal of the day.
and this is the result of my being totally and completely flatout broke.
bankrupt, if you like.

6:22 PM;

the past few days have been like, WHOOSH. gone, just like that.
i hate school and all, but i'm not sure if i quite like this uber fast flying-by of days.
i can hardly remember what happened when!
i guess this is when a blog comes in useful. to keep track of all your movements.

saturday was spent at the swim meet. i canNOT believe i went for the swim meet. i was all set on just ponning with no valid reason 'cause i really didn't feel like going. but i don't regret going in the end! weellll. the um, ambience was quite good! and the meet got exciting towards the end. like when the arts fac won the inter-combi race and we all cheered like crazy. :)
TWEET!
and the hugest surprise of the day was when ms.ho offered to take whoever turned up for the swim meet out for lunch! pretty cool stuff! i think that was nice of her. i mean, she didn't have to or anything, since the swim thing was supposed to be compulsory. but she did! haha. so cheryl, dree and i ended up having a greeeeat lunch at the holland v crsytal jade.
brian, michgoh and al were around too but we couldn't get the boys and mich wasn't feeling well. haha so thanks to the swim meet and ms.ho, i got my monthly dose of crystal jade early.
came back home to nap before meeting chels and dree in town. i can't believe i spent what, 3hours plus walking around far east??! but then again i didn't even get to shop really really properly.
i saw a couple of nice things that i wanted to get but i couldn't bring myself to spend my money then! argh such a stupid girl i am.
according to sloman/keynes/any other economist, spending money is good and saving money is BAD.
especially since i happen to be one of those people who don't make use of the banking facilities in my country and instead save my money under my pillow. figuratively. spending money is good because it contributes to national income and hence boosts GDP, and an increase in GDP is a signal of economic growth, which has to be good!
so because i want to do my part for the economy, i will buy a new school bag next week.

sunday was my stay-at-home day, which i think i must have thoroughly enjoyed, but owing to my questionable memory, i simply cannot recall anything about sunday at all. except that i went to heartland mall after church and discovered that the kodak machine outside cold storage lets you infrared your phone pictures over directly and then prints them out for you at 50cents per picture. i was so amused by it! but i think dad wasn't very amused when i asked him for 50cents to complete my amusement by printing the photo out. i bought my week's supply of sweets and chocolates that will keep me awake all throughout the week's boring classes. especially for Triple Geog Thurdays, which calls for a larger ration of food in class.
for this week, i shall be eating nothing but citrus fruit mentos, kinder chocolate and blackcurrent fruitella in class. and one bar of caramel kitkat.
came back home and found out that carol had tuition. so i sat myself down at the table with her and laoshi and had a good nice long talk with laoshi, whom i haven't really seen since i dropped chinese! i played with her uber cool phone from china that has a fantastic screensaver and a wonderful wonderful camera! the camera turns and lets you take pretty photos of yourself!
and for lunch, we had dad's salmon porridge, which he had been surreptiously cooking just for the fun of it. haha! my dad actually likes cooking.

monday was quite a useless school day in itself. monday was also supposed to be pw results day for acjc students. for some strange reason, ms.ho didn't give us our results during pccg period as promised.
i found out from noelle who found out from brian who found out from somebody that results were finally out during recess.
and i got a 2! :)
it isn't very much, but considering the quality of my wr and op... i'm thankful i got a 2. yeah.
i had more free periods than classes yesterday. mrs.creffield wasn't in school, ms.tancc couldn't make it for econs supplementary. i don't take math.
i only had one econs tutorial where we did nothing but annotate the case study articles and DOUBLE PE the whole of my long 430 day!
then i had dc after school because i was late! -which was something i'd forgotten to mention earlier.
i'm doing dc too often this term. 2 dcs in about 2weeks.
but i was kinda productive during dc i guess. read my econs notes once through during the one-and-a-half hours where i was forced to sit and be quiet.
oh. captain's ball during double pe was pretty fun! considering that it's the first time in this entire term that i'm doing double period pe. it's scary, but i think i do more mass pe than double period pe. i must be mad.

today was a very hot and sticky day. thankfully, school ended early even though ms.tancc wanted to take one period after school to makeup for the supp period she missed yesterday. we finished early and she let us go! :)
thanks chels my pal for accompanying me down to holland v today even though you were supposed to have tuition! (touchy subject i know)
so anyway. went down to holland v with chels and cheryl, and i bought the pretttyyy black beaded bag from creative dimensions! then went down to toapayoh to buy pins.
i did my part for the economy today.

6:38 PM;

when something goes wrong in your life, everything else seems to follow suit and turn out badly too.
it's like some warped law that dictates how bad things happen all at once.
i feel like i've been stuck in some sort of horrible spell lately! it's not just one thing. it's everything that's going haywire!
and so i feel like i'm losing control over my own life. i mean, if you can't even control how you feel, you're bound to feel powerless.
if you can't even wrest control over your own emotions, which is something that is so completely yours and noone else's, then how can you feel like you can control any other thing that doesn't belong so completely to yourself?
that's somewhat what i've been feeling lately i guess.
feelings of irritation, stress, depression, annoyance, anger, sadness - they just bubble up inside of me and threaten to overflow. and i can't even reign in these negative emotions! i've been trying to think happy and think peace, love, flowers. but i can't! my inner-self seems to have a life of its own.
what i feel is processed in my brain but it really and truly feels like i can FEEL it from the heart. i think that's what they mean by the phrase 'thinking with your heart'. although it's impossible to think with your heart 'cause i mean your heart is just an enormous muscle that basically pumps blood throughout the body.
and these days, i've been feeling like my head tells me to do something (anything), but my body just will not or cannot respond, so in the end i don't do what my logic tells me to do.

school work and stupid drama are seriously stressing me up big time.
school work 'cause i've still got a million things to read - and that's just my lecture notes which i have to catch up on. i haven't even begun to fathom the real amount of reading that lies in wait for me when i include all the outside reading that i gotta get done soon. econs, gp and tourism-related articles which i have surreptiously clipped out from the straits times and newsweek lie in a tall heap on the floor, untouched and in a huge mess.
but i must say i've been having a renewed interest in my work! never have i felt so interested in physical geog in my last one year of life until i decided that streams are actually rather interesting after all.
i like streams 'cause of the romantic idea of pretty little brooks and streams running through untouched acres of countryside. like in the english or irish countryside described in literature.
BUT I HATE DRAMA.
ARGHHHH.
there is no way anyone will be able to convince me otherwise.
recently, i've taken to thinking of giving a certain m_w_ a flower everytime i think of her irritating me.
i mean, why would i want to accumulate BAD KARMA like what she is most certainly doing right now?
so to distract myself from evil thoughts, i think of the hippies and their "love, peace, joy to the world!" kinda slogans. like how the preconceived hippies would always say "hey man don't fight! have a flower!" or something quite spastic as that.
and my friends all think that whenever i call them up now, it's all about camelot tickets. :(
i would like to think that i have better things to do other than sell stupid tickets.

9:16 PM;

i spent my eagerly-awaited weekend sick at home lying on my back with the CRAMPS.
aw what a bummer. i mean seriously, that was such a dampener.
and i still am being plagued by my most loyal follower ie the cramps even as i sit here to type all this in now.
in gp class the other day, we were having a discussion about whether men and women should be treated equally. and one of the key arguments was that males and females are inherently biologically different, hence some differences in treatment is to be expected.
I AGREE.

because i wasn't feeling well over the weekend, i didn't leave my house to go anywhere with anyone unless you count going to my grandparents' place on saturday night and going to church on sunday evening.
so i tried to install my new Sims2 game on my pc.
argharghargh that was MOST frustrating.
just because of one lousy file that couldn't be transferred over my whole installation process hung on me at 46% completion. i tried twice okay!
so i told dad and he said he'd help me. only when, i don't know.

it's going to rain it's going to rain!
i can't wait. i love the rain and the cool weather it brings.
last thursday, dree and i asked mrsmeow how come it's been raining these past few days 'cause we aren't in the monsoon season now.
she said that thailand, malaysia and china have been getting increasingly worried about the dry weather they'd been experiencing so they decided to do some cloud-seeding where you plant silver nitrate in the sky and hope clouds will form.
only that the clouds that resulted probably and possibly drifted south to singapore (due to the trade winds!)
hence our bursts of rain these few days.
then she said she was kidding.
HAHA!
but after i got home, i decided that maybe her theory wasn't so far-fetched after all!
i never knew that geog could be so useful.

10:53 AM;

after looking through all my blog entries, i realised that i'm a night-blogger!
so to dispel that perception of me as a night-blogger, i decided to blog right now so that the time stamp that appears at the end of this post will be an AM time.
okay that's rather retarded.

anyway, i've been having a quiet computer experience these past few weeks.
that's because my speakers have blown themselves up and can no longer blast my songs.
and also because the radio here has self-imploded and now sadly no longer works.
so to entertain my audio faculties, i often sing to myself.
i like singing.
it takes my mind off stupid niggling problems and hitting the right notes is just pure joy to me.

10:36 AM;

i had a good talk with dree today while we were sitting on the taka steps eating our pretzel.
and what she said forced me to think: is it that hard just to say hello?
i don't know.
sometimes, we take our hellos for granted.
what if you and your friend quarrelled and stopped saying hi one day? and since you never came to a resolution with your friend, you never ever say hello to each other again.
that's what i mean by taking our hellos for granted.
how do you know you still like someone?
is it when you can't stop thinking about him/her?
is it when you can't get his/her face out of your mind even though you really really want to?
is it when you immediately start specially looking out for the person when you're in a crowd?
is it when you start to feel extremely self-conscious around the person, even though he/she may not even know that you're near by?
is it when you're able to talk nineteen to the dozen where everyone else is concerned and hand out smiles and hellos like flyers, but when the person approaches, your face is completely frozen and you're scared stiff of even making eye-contact?
i don't know i don't know i don't know.

why does the sun go on shining?
why does the sea rush to shore?
don't they know?
it's the end of the world
when you don't know me anymore.

survivor in about 2hours time. i love ian! the one on survivor i mean. i'm his hugest fan! he's so cute and damn smart to boot. hohoho!
2hours to survivor!
4hours to saturday!

7:38 PM;

this is my new chant:
i'm tired
i'm tired
i'm freaking flatout tired.

my chant's changed from last week's one, which was:
I... YOU... US!!!
i won't even go into how chels and i came up with it.

i'm falling sick i think. had a blocked nose which made it difficult for me to talk properly and made my voice verrrry nasal and whiny. had a stuck left ear due to the pressure imbalance in my nose and elsewhere in my head.
it's damn frustrating to have stuck everythings!
and. i'm normally quite a huge fan of air-conditioning. i mean, i sleep in an air-con room every night and have been doing that ever since i was like, born.
but that doesn't mean i like to be in air-con 24/7 in temperatures that register as 24degrees but seem closer to the sub-zero arctic temperatures fat polar bears call home.
my ac sweater just isn't warm enough!
like today in the library during dc which i got thrown into for being late this morning.
i left home at the usual time this morning. 635am i think.
but eng neo avenue leading to bukit timah was jammed like hell. cars were stationary all the way up to the exit of the expressway.
when i saw the mess of cars i KNEW i was gonna be late. without a doubt.
and i was right!
but anyway. dc today was quite productive for me. even though i was just freezing over in the polar atmosphere.
managed to sit myself down and finish my long-overdue aq!
plus, i made myself read about 10pages of The Return of the Native, which has seriously got to be one of the more boring books i've ever read in my 17years on earth.
it's a bit like reading shakespeare.
when i read shakespeare's stuff, i have to really really concentrate on reading sentence by sentence and take ample care to make sure that i don't end up reading the lines word by word. 'cause i think when you read stuff word by word, you don't exactly get the whole picture. everything's kinda fragmented.
and seriously, after reading Antony and Cleopatra over the last Good Friday weekend, i was exhausted.
my brain felt... brain-dead, for lack of a better word to insert here.

i was just thinking.
what happens if you know, in all seriousness and certainty, that something can never ever happen and that wishing that it'll happen someday is completely useless.
what happens if in spite of knowing all that, you still want that thing?
does that make it unwavering faith in God?
or is that just wishful thinking?
i don't know you know.
i want to face up to reality and accept that... yeah, accept that things are like that now.
yet i want it so bad.
wanting things that you can't have is just a waste of everything.
you're oblivious to everything else around you that's unrelated to that thing you want and only have space in your crowded heart for that one unreachable thing.
so you lose out on opportunities.
you lose out on things that could be but will never be.
you lose out when you waste your time, your brain space, your emotions.
and yet in spite of all that you lose, the very littlest mundane things make you happy and make that smile creep onto your face.

in e4 class on wednesday, mrscreffield was telling us about why a large number of the lit works that appeared immediately after the end of world war 1 was poetry.
and she said it's 'cause poems allow you to pour out that one single emotion into that piece of writing.
poems often convey raw, singular emotions, and many soldiers wrote poems in their little notebooks they kept with them in between trench battles.
it's true i think, 'cause some well-written poems really strike me as poignant and intense.
and... the symbolism and imagery really make poems seem deeper than they really are. often, once you see through the symbols that appear constantly throughout, all that remains is the sole powerful emotion of the poet, and that's what strikes me as poignant.

alright alright. enough musings for today.
off to catch american idol results!
i hope anwar and carrie get to stay this week. i hope i hope i hope!

9:33 PM;

i DID IT!!!!!!
i finally managed to do a fairly presentable half-plait which doesn't look so damn scaaary. hehe.
that's after almost a month's worth of practice! yay to meeeee!

stayed back for drama today yuuucks. i won't even bother talking about it here 'cause it's so not worth it.
hmm let's see. what else was blog-worthy?
i know pe! it's no longer mass pe.
so today we had out trail 2.4 run.
to put it in the teacher's own words: you had a toilet stop just after the first round! you owe me one round next week.

anyway lunch today was. was. was. haha nothing!!! but i couldn't stop smiling. :))
yeah i know. it's totally brainless of me. and it's all quiteeeee silly and retarded, this whole thing. but still!
thanks chels! thanks jolene!
i think chels's PR-ing skills are really not bad. better than mine anyway!
haha i'm so incoherent! i wonder why!
yes yes i know stop being such an ass, kelly! grow up!
but i still can't wipe that silly smile off my face.

row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is but a dream.

7:12 PM;

first off.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CHELSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

which was yesterday the 4th actually! i hope you enjoyed your surprise at the voiddeck yesterday paaaal! :) and i really hope you liked the presents too EVEN THOUGH getting it on saturday was such a crazy coincidental affair.

dree cheryl and i spent most of the early part of yesterday trying to convince chels that we really didn't have anything planned for her. some exerpts showcasing our brilliant attempts that left chels kind of suspicious about everything 'cause she thought we were sadists trying to make her feel neglected on her birthday.

dree: hey pal can i buy you a donut during lunch? we can stick a candle in it and celebrate your birthday!
cheryl: or we could get a stack of 5 waffles for you!
chels: errr okay sure pal!
me: i know i know! you want a cupcake pal?
dree: stupid bovine, they don't sell cupcakes in the canteen.

dree: hey what are your plans for today?
chels: actually... nothing!
cheryl: sorry we can't go out with you today pal!
me: so do you feel neglected? do you feel all alone?
chels: errr not reeeally!

and it went on and on.

i was getting all excited during econs tutorial leading up to lunch period! 'cause i had a MAJOR role to play in our whole plan! haha. i was supposed to distract chels and keep her away from the cake and presents until dree and cheryl were all ready.
so i used the most unsuspicious line ever.

me: hey chels could you help me do my hair later after econs? come with me to the toilet okay?

and since this line gets repeated almost every single day, chels didn't suspect a thing. hoho!
when we got down to the voiddeck, dree and cheryl were no where in sight! so i sat chels down and asked angela to help keep her away from the canteen.
and most conveniently, i had to collect lit notes from the photocopy place just then.
then dree called me and declared an emergency 'cause all the letterings on the cake had been messed up. so after all the big fuss, we took a slow torturous walk to the voiddeck inching our way across the canteen, trying to shield the candles from the fans blowing.
so that was the behind the scene part for you!

what everyone really saw was dree shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAL while holding the cake and the pals singing a birthday song for chels super loudly! :)
i'm glad it all turned out well in the end 'cause saturday was really quite horrific.
i nearly died from shock a couple of times. like when chels saw dree and i out together ('cause we were shopping for her present). like when chels called to ask if this pair of shoes was nice and it was the EXACT same pair that we were planning to get.
when chels called about the shoe i just lost my brains i think.

chels: hey pal do you remember that white shoe with purple buttons that we saw at heeren with cheryl? do you think it's nice?
me: stunned for a while
errr.. yah!
i start to think
hey hold on okay.
(here i tell dree about what's happened and she tells me that i'm rather idiotic)
me: hey actually right... you know what? i don't think the shoe's nice anymore.
chels: HUH?? why'd you suddenly change your mind pal?
me: oh 'cause... i just told dree about the shoe and she said she remembered that it wasn't that nice.
chels: huh? oh but i really like it...
me: i really think it's not worth it. you shouldn't get it!
chels: sigh but i really like it so i think i'll just get it.
me: thinking OH FREAKING NO
pal i REEEALLLY think it's not that worth it. anyway. tell me if you get it okay?

then after i put down the phone..

dree: kel you're such a BOVINE. why did you have to say "tell me if you get it okay"???? what do you mean "tell me if you get it"??? isn't it OBVIOUS?????
me: argh shit lah i know i know it was damn stupid.

well that was the Real saturday story. it wasn't just all about e1!

and today was seriously just such a lousy day. kind of like a continuation of the lousy ending of yesterday.
can you believe it? the class's got MAKE UP PE on friday after school at 310pm!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGH.
okay i'll admit that was possibly partly my fault 'cause i'd taken suchhhh a long time to get my pe stuff from the locker. but still! make up pe on friday just sucks!
then i got back home at 10plus after attending the pope's memorial mass in church and did a grand total of 2 questions of my gp compre.
got up this morning feeling just so damn sick of the world. didn't wanna go to school. didn't wanna wake up. i just wanted to stay in bed and hide.
i was in a majorly irritated mood in school today.
sorry chels if i took my irritation out on you! i really wasn't annoyed with you. it was just the day.
majorly irritated mood was largely caused by drama. and i shall not delve into details here.
but the irritation evolved into me being flat out pissed off and so, the day didn't end well for me again.
and for some strange reason, i felt like crying today. weird huh?
i had this very tensed up feeling in my chest which i knew was due to stress and for several moments in the day, i suddenly stopped 'cause i really felt overwhelmed by everything left undone and everything troubling me.
like whatever was going on in my mind occasionally manifested itself physically in me and made me feel as if i just couldn't go on.

sigh anyway. gp package test tomorrow.
and i'm still stuck with that gp compre! it's like irritating chewing gum under your shoe that doesn't seem to ever go away.

8:39 PM;

ARGHARGHARGH.
shit lah school's turning me into some deranged nut. i mean seriously, how can you expect me to be calm cool hyped up about school etcETC when i crawl into bed each night wanting the night to stretch on forever and get up this morning wanting to stay in bed until everything bad slips away and leaves me happy? HOW?
the work is just piling up to the point where i'm getting these (probably) work-induced mood-swings that leave me feeling stupid after all my emotions subside.
i'm supposed to be doing my geog tutorial and gp compre today. now, actually.
but i can't i can't!
i fear that i'm turning stupid.

work aside, the tailend of last week was a blast!
celebrated chels my pal's birthday on friday after school. walked around and window shopped at taka with chels, dree, cheryl, angela, xiuf and mich lim before heading down to fish & co. the one at the glass house! that was my FIRST time eating at both fish & co and at the glass house so it was funnn.
chels treated us to ice-cream at swenson's after that. thaaanks pal! i really loveee frosted chocolate malt haha.
met dree on saturday to finish up our e1 presentation thing. i like the baked spaghetti at coffee club xpress at wisma! it's daaamn gooood. and there're soooooo many things i wanna buy after yesterday! shoes, top, bag. pffft now where's the money?

the happy weekend is coming to an end and horrible school is about to begin in about 11hours.

6:35 PM;