nothing's changed since 2007 rolled by, and yet things are somehow subtly different.

i don't know the exact differences and changes that seemed to have gone by me, but i can feel it in me. God's working His magic in my life and i'm witnessing everything before my eyes. it's like you know the magician's gonna do something and you're tingling with anticipation at what he's gonna do, you just don't know when and what.

similarly, i suddenly feel like things are gonna be different somehow in my future. far or near, i don't know, but i know God has plans for me and i'd just be an idiot to not want to subscribe to His plans and do things my own stubborn way. since my rants a couple of days ago, i don't feel the need to rant or complain about my sucky life or so i thought it anymore.

the only thing i've been constantly thinking and sharing with people is that everything, and i mean everything, is gonna turn out more than alright in the end and that God knows exactly what i need and will give me what i need cos it's been said over and over that He wants us and me, to be happy people. then why all the not-so-nice things that's been happening, you might ask? it dawned on me one of the nights while i was doing some quiet time that what i want so badly at one point in time may not necessarily be what i need. and God knows it, so He doesn't give me what i want. even if i may think it's what i want most in the world and that i'll be the happiest person alive if i had it, God knows a million times better than me.

a father wouldn't give his own child a snake if the child asks for bread.

i know i've got a long long way to go in my faith journey but i know i'm on the way there. i have so much faith in what God is doing in my life now that whatever seemed like big, unsurmountable issues just barely two days ago now seem small and perfectly handle-able, because i know i'm not alone. these words are oft repeated and have been said by so many others, and yet i don't say them emptily this time.

love those who don't love you? not easy, definitely, but not impossible as i previously thought.

person who you're trying to love isn't making your task easier?
keep trying! heshe will come round eventually if you insist on loving himher. we all do need love in our lives, even the most hard-hearted. and love as in what the Paul's letter to the Corinthians say, and not boy-girl attraction-love kinda love.there's difference between them two when you look deeper.

trust in God? when the world seems to be going all wrong for you and everyone seems to be against you, it's hard to keep faith in God but always always fall back on the eight-hundred plus promises of God to love us and always be with us that's all over the bible. when God knows all the hairs on your head and knew your name even before you were born, you know He's serious about you. my parents can't even do that. i bet your boyfriend/girlfriend can't too.
i know in the deepest of my hearts that God wants the best for me, and always has. He's never once wished ill for me, even when it seemed that He did when i cried all those tears. those tears were just necessary for me to learn important lessons and grow.
it's true when they say that what won't kill you will only make you stronger. when you next face a similar situations, you'll be so much better equipped to deal with whatever. i don't mean to make this sound quite so technical and logical and efficient, but i hope you get my drift.

i've been sharing so much with so many different people over the weekend, it's been amazing. i can't help but think it's all part of God's plan for me, i didn't know sharing would ever have this effect on me. i spent the greater part of my life with the warped mentality (now i can look back and deem it warped) that i can deal with things by myself, and that if i don't talk about things they'll just disappear and leave me alone. i have been proved wrong on both counts, and it's thanks to the people i shared with over the weekend.

Chelsa my darling pal whom i love so so so so so much, you've made me see things in a different light and i'm so grateful you haven't given up on me and just screamed at me when you could have, so easily. and i'm sorry too, i didn't mean to. you know what i mean, so i needn't publicise. but what you said at the MRT station on Sunday really touched me when i got home and reflected on the day and i think what essentially happened was that my own hard heart got softened.

ohhhh i have so much more to say but i need to go clean up my room now. spent most of last night clearing out my cupboard, chucking out all my old clothes. filled up 5 bags full of unwanted clothes! it hit me then that i really have A LOT of clothes. mom says i have to stop buying new things. notice i say "mom says", and not "i think". i like shopping too much.

it hasn't been an easy year, the last 12 months. but i've never gone through so much in my entire life before and i daresay it's all made me grow up more than i would have if i stayed in my own protected, comfy world.


God's Promise
God didn't promise
days without pain,
laughter without sorrow
or sun without rain,
But God did promise
strength for the day,
comfort for the tears
and a light for the way.
And for all who believe
in His kingdom above
He answers their faith
with everlasting love.

funny how i found this on a little sign like thing to hang up on my table suddenly midway as i was typing this post. it's always been there, i just never paid attention to it. i'd always been looking at the mess on my table, the books, stationery, papers and jewellery strewn about everywhere.

just like how God's always been there, i just never paid attention to Him. i'd always been looking at the mess in my heart, the hurts i don't wanna give up, the pride and refusal to look beyond me, the memories i keep replaying in my head.

parallels among this world and that of God abound. sometimes you just gotta take a closer look at the messy picture.

5:27 PM;