frustration is slowly bubbling up inside of me, and yet everytime i feel it coming up, i take a deep breath and close my eyes and cast my mind back to the surety i'd had in God. whenever i feel annoyed and pissed off and just so bloody frustrated at how short-sighted some people can be, i tell myself to bite down the words of irritation that are dying to jump out of my mouth.
these days i tend to say exactly what's on my mind and that's not always a good thing. what's brewing in my mind isn't necessarily always nice and constructive, so i have to filter out what's pure bitchiness and what's destructive and just keep my cool.

but you know, if you're just being plain retarded in every sense of the word and you don't use your brains to think, then i'll have no choice but to tell it to you to your face because you need to grow up. when i said i'd do everything i have left to do in hall, i meant it with a clause: unless you ask me to do something so absolutely dumb that it makes zero sense to even attempt. God gave you a brain for a reason. use it before making people do things and wasting time like nobody's business. God gave us 24 hours a day, he meant us to do good things with it because we don't have an unlimited supply of 24 hours. we all die, after all.

ugh so think, please, i really don't want to bite your head off.
i'm trying to be a good person, i'm trying to do things with a smile, i'm trying to be optimistic and cheerful about everything and i'm trying to tell myself that doing all this inane work probably will bring some good about eventually, even if i can't see it. BUT IF YOU ACT SO DUMB I CAN'T HELP BUT WANT TO CLOBBER YOU. do you want me to clobber you with a smile on my face or with a cheerful attitude? arghh.

my knees are dying on me, by the very way. i think it's a case of early arthritis because it's been hurting at the joint since yesterday. and it hurts every time i'm in the cold or if it's exposed to air-con. and sometimes even when i'm wearing jeans, it hurts. i am going to suffer next time.

keeping busy is the devil's way of making you unable to pray and spend quiet time with the Lord. i was busy all the way till 2 plus last night and then i went to print my notes and readings, by the time i was moderately tired i realised it was already 4am. like, hello. i tried to sit on my bed and pray before reading the bible but i couldn't, my brain was shutting down on me. so i made do with what i could, i turned out the light and talked to God before finally falling to sleep.

it only gets harder as it goes along, never easier.

and i am dead tired. i want to sleep but i have so much readings to do. i should take a nap before reading or nothing'll go in anyway, but i know if i nap i won't wake up anytime soon. howww. my back is killing me and i think my body is shutting down on me. i want to do so many things but sigh, the spirit is so willing and raring to go but the body is so bloody weak and tired out.

soldier on, girl. you are not alone.


but those who trust in the Lord for help
will find their strength renewed
they will rise on wings like eagles
they will run and not get weary
they will walk and not grow weak.

Isaiah 40:31


and this is proof of that, stuck on my board in my room.

3:23 PM;