it's been a pretty darn long night i must say! so many gazillion things have happened in the last few hours that it doesn't seem quite right that Monday isn't over for me yet. open floor was quite fun! haha i had fun dressing up in my
pink sari and taking photos! :) i am such a photo-whore sometimes.
oh and i got into soccer! ahaha yes, no mean feat for a non-sports person like me i must say. hehe. i used to pon pe more regularly than attend it, so you can imagine my disdain for physical activities. butbut. suprise surprise! Kelly's in soccer now ha. after today's soccer training, i feel inspired to improve on my fitness so i'll be able to last a longer time on the pitch. after a mere 15 min playing today, i felt like dying. but i scored 2 goals! heh which is funny cos i started off playing soccer in ibg as a defender. but 2 goals ain't bad i think! i had a lot of trouble at the start of the training session though. my passing was horrendously bad and i think Yanhe the coach wanted to kill me.
"Kel, you're not kicking hard enough!"
"Kel, aim before you kick! accuracy!"
i felt soooooooo bad. i mean, it's basic things i'm flubbing on. it's not as if i couldn't get chesting or whatever, it was basic passing and running. i think i've got a long way to go before i become a decent player! i'm not even half-decent now i think. well, but i'm supposed to have 'potential', so i sincerely hope the potential doesn't just remain that but instead becomes kinetic. har-dee-har. the late night is messing with my brain and making me spew weird physics terms in my vocab. and i was so fricking tired after training, it was no joke okay! my ears were completely stuck and i couldn't breathe properly halfway through the game. oh if you're wondering what my stuck ears have to do with anything, my ears tend to get stuck on me whenever i get too tired and want to die. it's a sign that i'm dehydrated and need to drink water fast before i pass out. and also a sign that i have to stop exerting myself or the light-headedness and dizziness WILL set in soon. training on Wednesday again. there's no way i'm gonna be able to improve my fitness level in 2 days, but i think this kinda thing will slowly build up over the course of the trainings.
projects SUCK. i hate them all. filming just now was alright, but projects suck in general. and econs presentations and homework assignments just take the cake. i hatehatehatehate Mangerial Econs. the lecturer seems to think that his is the only module we're taking and is piling on the homework like nobody's fricking business. like hello, maybe we have 4 other modules that ALL require stupid projects too? and the last assignment we did, we got a 82.5.
which is, believe it or not, BELOW BLOODY AVERAGE. the average for the assignment was a 95. anything below a 90 wasn't too good. errrrr. hello? 82.5 and bad doesn't seem to equate. i had a hard time digesting the fact that we didn't do well... and got a 82.5. if i got that last year for econs, i'd be doing backflips to the moon already lah. what the hell man, seriously. i was just stunned for a while when i found out that we were waaaaaaaaaaaay below average for the paper. with a
82.5 to add. i'm sorry, i cannot stop emphasising on the number, but i am so disturbed by the fact that a 80+ grade is NO GOOD. wth.
anyways, projects aside. Nick asked me just now why i've been so loud lately. i guess i've been trying too hard to mask the slight tinge of depression i'm prone to slipping into with over-enthusiasm and all. but it's better than constantly giving off a depressed vibe. i'm sick of being so sad all the time. give me fluffy bimbotic-ness anyday to tide over the upset and things on my mind and i'll grab it with both hands. squealing, giggling, jumping and all other bimbotic mannerisms and gestures included.
a lot of girls who act bimbotic and oh-so-dumb are just acting. many people don't realise it, but a lot of times, the "oops! *giggle* i'm such a bimbo!" cutesy mannerisms are fronts put on by people to hide certain things. and certain smarts too, sometimes. it's so much easier to coast through life without expectations weighted on you all the time, warped as it may sound. some people may enjoy the challenge of having the expectations of the world on their shoulders, but no thanks i say. give me lower expectations and delighted expressions at my success anytime. give me people thinking i have nothing between my two ears and being surprised when i say something intelligent anytime rather than to have people expect me to be brainy and all and be disappointed when i say something dumber than my intellect should allow. maybe i'm having a wrong attitude towards life's challenges, but whatever. i don't need unncessary pressure.
oh and what's up with societal norms about BGRs? the guy always does the chasing, right? like, whatever happened to equality of the sexes man. what if the guy is such a blockhead that he doesn't know
how to go after a girl? is she supposed to wait for him to finally figure it out after how many million years? i, for one, wouldn't mind going after a guy i was into. i'm me, after all. proactive, stubborn and i always know exactly what i want. but then, there's this princessy side of me that just
shudders at the thought of making the first move on a guy. i still want my happy fairy tale ending, oh-so-sweet Korean drama courtship, in short - societal's norms that a relationship should fit into. i don't want to not make a move on a guy i really like only to regret it later cos he was just such a bloody piece of granite who knows nuts about getting a girl. on the other hand, i don't want to have to make the first move because I WANT TO FEEL LIKE A GIRL. i have to endure cramps every single bloody month, come on, i should get to enjoy the perks of being a girl right. one of the perks being the pampering by her boyfriend.
so that's why.. if i were born a
guy everything would be solved.
i'd go after the person i like without expecting some fluffy airy fairytale ending - like a girl would.
i'd go through each month blood free and cramp free - like a girl like me would.
i'd be able to go all out to express my affection for someone i liked without worrying about whether i was coming on too strong to the world - like a girl might feel.
i'd ask a girl out if i liked her and not worry about whether the guy i liked thought i was crazy - like i would feel.
alright, so i'm not exactly representative of the entire female population. and some girls might want to stone me after what i've said, since i don't seem to be taking either a feminist stance or a pro-girly girl stance.
i just realised my stats tutorial is still untouched, and it's already 530am. i think it's gonna remained untouched until tutorial tomorrow when i will have to copy vigorously off the screen. again.
busybusy day again tomorrow! i really have to visit the post office soon to get my driving license renewed. my driving lesson's on friday and i need it by then. crap. so much for a relaxing week this week! heh. my bed's inviting me now. finally. it's been a long time since i went to bed at night feeling sleepy. goodnight world.
