i went down for dinner and came back up again cos the food was so so so so so unappetizing. i mean, what you see has a lot of impact on what you feel. if the food looks bad, you don't feel hungry anymore. if something looks less-than-nice, your positive feelings disappear. it applies to everything, food included! hall dinners do NOT look good at all. i think i should start eating out of hall soon before i die from starvation. i can't not eat dinner every night just cos the food looks so bad.

to all concerned friends who asked about my last post: i am alright now, really! thanks my dears, for asking me if i was alright and all, your concern is and was much much appreciated. :) as i said, i had a lot of things on my mind that night, coupled with the effects of alcohol on my brain.. it just made me a lot more.. frustrated over small things that wouldn't normally matter. i was thinking about what happened last time, the whole incident replayed in my mind over and over again. from the conversations to the confrontations to the semi-resolutions. hard to forget all that. i remember lots of stuff, unfortunately. i don't let go very quickly.

and i tend to get lost in memories. ghosts of the past that won't stop haunting me no matter where i go. ghosts of the past that manifest themselves as ghosts of the present and future. an active mind is not always a good thing. wherever you turn you see things that make you think of things that've happened and you always link it in your mind to other random things.

it's terribly exhausting to be happy! i've been in an alright mood generally for the last 2 days. been rather productive and focussed on my work, which is good. and being productive in my academic matters always puts me in a better mood. i think it's the achiever in me. but i think the reason why it's been exhausting for me to be happy stems from the fact that not all's well inside of me. i don't know, i feel alright really. even to myself. but something about me doesn't seem quite right, i can't place my finger on what exactly. it's like i'm curing the symptoms but leaving the actual illness untouched cos i don't know what it is.

ahaha okay i'm thinking too much again. i shall turn my thoughts to my shitload of work to do tonight! i need to do my mno one-pager for last week's tutorial which i conveniently didn't do, type out the companion guide for the mno cq video, discuss econs homework with Chelsa and Danielle. i also want to read my econs text cos i understand zilch about the lectures, seriously. and my mno text and readings cos there's just so much to read. and oh how could i forget the film report Mel and i are supposed to work on first?

shitload is an understatement. MAF tonight which i will be skipping to discuss my econs homework.

oh and i cleaned the fan in my room already. so it's currently dust free and oh so clean. hahaha yes i went on a springcleaning spree yesterday afternoon. swept my floor, packed up my table a bit.. told you i was productive. :)


from a friend, to a friend:
close your eyes so you don't feel them
they don't need to see you cry
i can't promise i will heal you
but if you want to i will try
to sing this summer serenade
the past is done we've been betrayed
it's true
someone said the truth will out
i believe without a doubt in you.
you were there for summer dreaming
and you gave me what i need
and i hope you'll find your freedom
for eternity.
yesterday when we were walking
you talked about your ma and dad
what they did that made you happy
what they did that made you sad
we sat and watched the sun go down
picked a star before we lost the moon
youth is wasted on the young
before you know it's come and gone
- too soon.
you were there for summer dreaming
and you are a friend indeed
and i know you'll find your freedom, eventually
for eternity.

*eternity//robbie williams.

6:10 PM;