i'm already more than half-way through my term break but it doesn't feel like it's actually started. y'know what i mean? i've been out practically every day on one project meeting after the other. i could just go on bitching about projects and how they are the absolute bane of my present existence, but i won't. spent Tuesday filming our short film for Singapore Film (which didn't go very well, i must say), yesteray filming for my mno module - a cultural quotient video, the better part of last night and this morning tying up the loose ends of my econs homework assignment. the only night i managed to get some studying done was Tuesday night, surprisingly. and i only studied all of one of my econs lectures. like, hello. i'm dead.
i am strangely tired right now. i think it could be cos of the many late nights i've been pulling lately. i was all prepared to sleep at 3am last night after my midnight chat with Chelsa in between A and B blocks when my phone rang and supper called. i never say no to supper. it's funny how supper used to be a word that didn't really exist in my vocab before coming to hall, but now it's like an every night thing. i feel weird without having had supper before going to bed, it's as if i missed my dinner or something. last night's chilli fish was really good as usual. i think i'm in love with the chilli, it's super hot but supremely delicious. i like. :)
should i do my IT and stats tutorials or should i go study? argh i can't decide. i think i should start studying for my Singapore Film midterms soon too. but i have so much econs to catch up on, it's insane. i hatehatehate my uni course, i wish i hadn't been so impulsive and decided to do business on a whim when arts was clearly my calling.
shucks man, i've just wasted my free day walking all around the stupid campus, from arts AS7 to hall then to biz2 again then back to hall. like hello, maybe i should have spent my free day properly? netball training tomorrow, i really don't feel like going. i don't feel like going for any sports trials for that matter, i'm far too lazy to care right now. i know i know, i may not get enough points to stay next year, so that should motivate me to go for something. but right now, i just couldn't care less.
life's too short to have to spend too much time doing things you don't like. heh ironic isn't it, how i know it but i don't seize the day, don't live by the motto
carpe diem and instead just twiddle my thumbs and wait for apples to fall on my lap instead of reaching up to pluck an apple for myself? how i know that life's too short to be spent in constant suspension and waiting for
something to happen but yet i do that all the time? how i know that apples usually don't fall on my lap even though gravity works on them and they should - and yet i just pretend that if i wait long enough, apples will fall and i'll be happy? i'm such a naive child-like girl, i have the tendency to pretend things away and not face the real problem at hand. ironic isn't it, how i know that but still i don't want to grow up?
the innocence and honesty of children are so often snatched out of their hands even before they're willing to give it up. and the sad thing's that it's a vicious cycle. children who've had their innocence snatched away prematurely grow up to become bitter adults who think that just because they were subjected to this as children, they should and can do the same to the new generation of children. and so the cycle continues.
okay i'm talking in circles and riddles, so please excuse me.
but maybe one day i'll finally stop skating round the ice-skating rink in circles and manage to jump out of my circle and up into the clean air above, out of the circle and into sweet-tasting freedom and clarity.
