i spent 2 hours of my usually free Thursday in an IT lab session that didn't seem very IT-like. played some game that seemed to have more to do with supply chain management than IT. but haha i don't think i'll complain much because our group won the game! and the prize was 4 bucks each. :) lunch for a day!

lately it seems that i've been at a loss for words to adequately express myself. i realise i've been borrowing a lot of other people's words in the forms of song lyrics and exerpts from books.

until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand, now and forever - i will be your man.
richard marx

it would be so nice growing old with you.
adam sandler

between now and then until i see you again, i'll be loving you. love, me.
collin raye

if i just lay here - would you lie with me and just forget the world?
snow patrol


where are kelly's words?
"err. what the hell??"
that's what i've been saying a lot these days, for some strange reason. nothing else coherent even though i have much to say about some things. this seems extremely familiar. i think we did this in e4 last year, in Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried. one of the issues we discussed about in detail was the inability of soldiers who returned from the Vietnam War to express themselves, their horrific memories and experiences. this inability to release pent up emotions and feelings in the form of words resulted in a lot of them becoming slightly berserk from the immense emotional stress. catharsis, i've come to realise, is essential for me. i was furiously flipping through my hard copy diary cos i thought i'd written in one of the entries something that Edmund Blunden said about the power of words and memory.

you know, to me it's okay if i'm unable to talk about something. because i always had another avenue to pour out my torrent of words. i could always write out everything as an alternative. but nowadays that channel of cathartic relief seems to have been choked up and unable to function. i've been saying the same things over and over because i don't have enough words to describe what i think/feel/do. i just don't have my own words anymore.

anyway. i'm gonna take a nap now before going to ginza to get things for my table's dnd costumes. we were supposed to go at 5 plus but it's almost 6 now. i wonder whether we're actually gonna go or not.

i wish i could say what i thought, really. it'd make things so much easier.

5:11 PM;