i only ever cry in two kinds of situations.
1. when i'm fricking pissed off.
2. when i'm super sad.
and when i'm pissed off, i talk like there's no tomorrow and just launch attack after attack, sometimes without thinking about what i'm saying, often regretting what i say afterwards.
i lose my temper pretty easily even though i look like some docile, gentle little female. no, really. i really do blow my top easily, and when it blows people get it. or else i try to keep to myself and take it out on the things in my room so i won't end up unnecessarily spreading my bad vibes to others.
right now, all my anger, all my emotions - have all just seeped out of me over the night. and i'm just left feeling damn tired even though i'm awake. i've been emotionally numbed and i think i'd prefer to stay this way for a while. why bother to feel so much, to care so much - when practically everyone else doesn't realise you do? i'm not saying i should do things to please other people, that to me makes zero sense at all and would shoot myself if i ever did that. but caring and pouring my passion and time and energy into doing something, only to have it interpreted as 'hmm i wonder why she's here? i bet it's for all the wrong reasons.'
BLOODY HELL. wrong reasons? whatever. you can fricking think whatever you want now. i'm not wasting more time trying to convince you otherwise. hello, i've only got 24 hours in a day. i'm probably not gonna live past 100. there're so many people i really genuinely care about, and i'm not only friends with them cos i want to be bloody popular or whatever. screw you, screw all this. if people don't like me cos they think i'm fricking cliquish or WHATEVER, bloody hell just go ahead and carry on. see if i care anymore, cos i don't. i won't.
you want my support? you've got it, i won't make life difficult for anyone.
do i necessarily like you? maybe. it doesn't matter, it's not personal anyway.
do i think i can do the job? hell yeah, but obviously no one thinks so now.
why am i so angry? how do you like it if people basically insinuate that you're not good enough, insinuate a million other laughably obviously untrue things? i sure as hell don't.
heh what in the world happened to my 'i'm so not angry anymore' stance?
i do apologise for the strong language. i tend to lose my temper when i talk about something sore i feel strongly about.
from now on, i'll live my own happy little life and just study. after all, as i have reiterated a gazillion times before this, I AM A STUDENT. my parents aren't paying 6K a year to have me worry about whether i'm liked or disliked.
alright, so smile already.
