i am just fricking tired of school and hall life. all the goings-on have been messing about with my emotional and physical state and I AM DAMN SICK OF IT!
i just want to be me again and not feel like i have to be friends with a million and one people. i just want my old friends back again. i miss Trina and Cheryl and Dree and Chelsa like hell (even though Chelsa's in hall with me now, sometimes she seems so far away cos we spend so little alone time together).
i'm so tired of people judging me so relentlessly and harshly, of having to present an enthusiastic front 24/7 and more.
i'm so tired of the same shit happening over and over again. it's become my fricking life story and i need a break. i never ever learn, i always do the same shit over and over again, i'm such an idiot.
i think my hormones are running amok in me now cos i'm a lot more emo than usual. this is so deja vu-ish. this whole thing seems to have unfolded in almost the same way, it's fricking scary. and the really scary part's that i recognise the same things, and yet i'm not doing anything to stop.
emo rambling aside, i'm also sick and tired of the hypocrisy flying all over my head. what's this become? since when did family and block-bonding evolve into politicking? since when did trying hard suddenly have underlying meanings? since when did i start to get so lost and so disillusioned and so bloody friendless?
it's such a weird feeling, to be surrounded by SO MANY PEOPLE and yet feeling so utterly alone and helpless. wth man, i'm bloody pissed off by a million and one things at the moment. so i've decided. from today, i will:
1. study study study. after all, i am a student.
2. not care about you. you don't even bother, why should i?
3. not care about my 'popularity'. i like myself well enough, if you don't - i make no apologies.
4. not get so pissed off by well-meaning people who remind me about the important things in life. you are, after all, well-meaning and i do appreciate it.
5. get enough sleep and not stay up for suppers so often. why should i? i'm ruining my complexion and putting on weight. for what?
6. NOT CARE ANYMORE. okay, so i was a total idiot in the first place but enough's enough and i can't go on like that anymore without imploding somehow.
7. exercise. it's a wonderful way to vent and keep looking hot.
8. keep up with my tv shows. life goes on even in hall.
