let me tell you a little about the human psyche.
okay, so i'm no psychology student. but i've been alive for long enough to observe with my eyes and i've had enough friends to observe.
i don't really understand my observations, but well, we can't understand everything there is to understand. i've learnt to accept that, though slightly begrudgingly.
i've noticed that people always want what they cannot have. and once they CAN have what they want, it suddenly becomes a lot less desirable than when they couldn't have it.
i've also noticed that even if you like someone but you don't exactly admit it to anyone, yourself included, it's okay and you can still interact relatively normally. but once you say it out, say "you know what, i think i might like him", it suddenly becomes super difficult to interact normally without feeling awkward.
when does the okay suddenly cross over to awkward? it's such a fine line.
i've noticed that the line between crush and like is quite fine too. when do i have a crush on someone? then when do i start to like someone? and then when do i start to fall in love?
i've noticed that when you like someone, you tend to expect ridiculous things. things you wouldn't normally even contemplate or believe to be true. like when someone's nice to you and all, you wouldn't think "hey, he must like me too!" when you don't like that person. you'd just think to yourself that the guy's a really nice guy, end of story. but when you do like him.. every single nice thing he does for you is read as a possibility of like. every single message or conversation he initiates is seen as a possibility of like too. and everytime you see his name on your phone when a message comes in or on your computer screen, you start to get excited and nervous and quite silly - even when it's a totally work-related message.
the human psyche is really so weird. i could go on about this for quite a bit more but i think there isn't any point in continuing. cos the bottomline is: people act weird when they're in love. or before love sets in, even before that. i don't like seeing myself act weird when i look down at myself from faraway, look at my actions and analyze my thoughts. i don't like seeing myself so silly and stupid and unable to control my feelings for someone.
okay anyway. i'm going to Sheares for supper now. thinking makes me hungry.
