HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY TRINA

yes, my lovely. happy 19th birthday to you! on the 19th of Jan.
i wish i could have thought of something more original other than catching a movie to celebrate this extra special day.. but today was alright.. right? :)
heh.
we finally watched Chronicles of Narnia today!!!
after weeks and weeks of "i don't know who i'm watching with yet", Tri and i finally got down to watching the show together.
it really was a marvellous show. very epic scale and grand.
and the soundtrack. ohh, i thought it was superb.
the music contributed to the atmosphere of the whole thing greatly. i think i must get the OST the moment it's out in stores.
i cried and cried bucket-loads of tears though! even though it wasn't a sad show in many respects.
even in the war scene which was supposed to look extremely grand, i cried.
cos the boy leading the whole army was so young. just a boy.
it dredged up memories of e4 lessons. made me think about how war steals away youth and the innocence of young men, some still mere boys. and everytime we discussed that in class, i would always get a bit sad.
that would explain why this particular poem from my Penguin Book of First World War Poetry caught my eye almost immediately when i read it, and i insisted on using it in some of my essay discussions, even though Mrs C didn't bring up the poem in class.

The Veteran by Margaret Postgate Cole
May, 1916

We came upon him sitting in the sun,
Blinded by war, and left. And past the fence
There came young soldiers from the Hand and Flower,
Asking advice of his experience.

And he said this, and that, and told them tales,
And all the nightmares of each empty head
Blew into air; then hearing us beside,
'Poor chaps, how'd they know what it's like?' he said.

And we stood there, and watched him as he sat,
Turning his sockets where they went away,
Until it came to one of us to ask
'And you're - how old?'
'Nineteen, the third of May.'


the last line struck me as particularly sad. only 19, this blind 'veteran'. and the other young soldiers couldn't even tell.
when i first read it, i was sitting in dad's car on my way to Yio Chu Kang station. and i teared.

sigh. it seems like i'm lacking my own words to express myself these days.
i keep having to turn to books to quote or song lyrics to emote. to say what i really feel.
that's quite bad right.
well, to me it seems bad anyway. cos i'm not used to not being able to say exactly what i feel.
i used to find solace in words.. but now, even the flow of words isn't able to let me expel what's inside. it's eating at me, making me feel quite... displaced.
okay, displaced isn't the right word to use.
making me feel...... hollow.

and i'm marking sec3 math homework now and i feel like killing someone. anyone.
it's seriously driving me crazy.
my red ticks/marks are becoming more and more vicious because i'm getting increasingly annoyed.
i feel like i'm stabbing the papers.

and this is a really strange entry in many ways.
i've jumped from emotion to emotion within paragraphs of each other.

i can't ramble here anymore. i've got a stack of work waiting to be corrected!
how?
and i've got a job interview tomorrow too.
how has my life degenerated into such undeniable chaos?
i really for the life of me don't know.

1:10 AM;