all this excessive blogging is an effort to bring my writing standard back up to par before uni starts. i just decided to note that here before i forget why i'm blogging complusively these days. i'm really quite disturbed by the deterioration of my english you know. it was the one thing i was relatively good at. and now that i'm discovering that my language is slowly disappearing? i'm quite devastated, i can assure you.
my tummy is making weird whale-like noises again.
it's been at it the whole day, complete with diarrhoea which required me to make frequent dashes to the toilets.
heh. i realised that my tummy's making those whale noises, like Dory in
Finding Nemo. "hellooooooo haaaavee yoooouuuu seeennnn hiiiiiiss soooooooonn Neeeeeeeemoo"
but seriously, my stomach was acting all weird today.
i was walking from Raffles Place to Cecil Street today to get to the job agency, and was getting happily lost along Robinson Road. when my stomach gave a detestable lurch and i decided that i had to find a toilet - fast.
so i back-trackked to the station and exited to Republic Plaza, my mom's old office building. cos i knew there was definitely a toilet there.
but when i got to the entrance, there was this fierce looking guard standing next to a sign that read: Visitors, please leave your name and intent here in the book before proceeding.
or something along this line.
i was so desperate that i just walked straight up to the guard and said to him,
"i'm so sorry, but could you please direct me to the toilet?" - complete with a pained expression on my face which didn't need much acting on my part.
he started to laugh and pointed the way, leaving the way clear for me to make a dash.
and i was assaulted by that familiar urge to run to the toilet again when i was in Orchard. the thought of using the Orchard mrt toilets didn't appeal to me at all, so i decided to chance my upset stomach and make a run for Kovan mrt.
after which i just cabbed from there to church and locked myself up in the handicapped toilet for almost half an hour i think.
argh. i don't know why my stomach was so upset today, though. i'm pretty sure i didn't eat anything bad yesterday.
maybe it's the stress my stomach has been through since Tuesday. cos when i'm having cramps, i just don't eat at all. don't see the need to since it just comes right out anyway. so for like a day and a half, i just lie in bed and act dead. the only reason i'd get out of bed is when i need the toilet, or when the phone rings. when it's the latter, i just croak into the phone and ask whoever has called to please, if they have any mercy at all, to let me call he/she back much much later when i feel vaguely in control of my body again.
so i wasn't eating much on Tuesday and Wednesday.
but i ate damn a lot on Thursday (yesterday) cos it was Trina's birthday.
while watching Narnia, we bought popcorn, nachos and cookies.
i had carrot cake AND char kuay teow for lunch.
and Trina invited me to her place for dinner. her dad bought back chilli crabs and there was all this wonderful wonderful food, i ate so much. 2 helpings i think. plus the cake.
so it could be the sudden emptying than filling of my stomach that's making it not so agreeable.
like freeze-thaw action acting on rocks. it slowly breaks the rock apart because of frequent cycles of exposure to freezing temperatures and higher temperatures.
when i got home and looked at myself in the mirror last night, i almost fainted. my tummy was extremely obvious and so so so ROUND. i'd never seen my tummy look so round and ball-like before.
but today's toilet visitations... were horrible. i hope my stomach settles down tonight, though it's still making those funny whale sounds and squelches.
oh yes, the job agency. the reason why i left the house earlier this afternoon.
my interview with the actual company will probably be on Monday or Tuesday. and i hope i get the job.
staying at home doing nothing while my friends are all working isn't exactly healthy.
and.
deep breath.
i need my first pay check asap.
i went shopping in Orchard alone today (which is surprisingly not as lonely as you might imagine it to be!) and walked into a couple of shops where i saw things that i really wanted.
top of my list right now though are the tank tops from U2, which are going for 2 for $20.
i bought a black top from u2 today too. illegally though. if mom found out, she'd hit the roof.
cos i just bought a black top from Esprit yesterday under the pretext of it being a Chinese New Year top, which then grants it special status.
and i need new heels. unfortunately, being the rather height-less individual that i am, i'm starting to find it necessary to invest in good heels to make me appear more like my own age. my heels today just really killed my feet. by the time i got home and truly kicked them off, i couldn't feel my toes anymore. they were numb and i think they died.
and what else did i want? oh yes. tops and skirts from M)phosis. and a pair of slippers from there too.
i didn't even dare to walk into Mango or Zara today cos i was afraid i'd find too many things i would wanna get.
OH, and the white skirt from Fox which was still there when i went to check today.
ohmygoodness, and earrings and a bag from Topshop, a clutch from Dorothy Perkins, a balloon skirt from i forgot where already, various things from Forever21.
OHHH shutup Kelly! this is starting to read like a tai-tai's weekend shopping list.
see. the moment i get started on shopping... i just keep going on and on.
today on the bus ride home with Carol, i was feeling heavy hearted cos there was a particular something that was weighing on my mind. and as i stared out, my eyes just followed the cars as they zipped by and the people as they were passed by. and what struck me was that everything seemed to be moving in slow-mo. every thing that was moving seemed so heavy, so sluggish, so weighed down. like how i was feeling.
even the white egret (my favourite bird, by the way) seemed to take an extra long time in spreading its wings and flapping them to get into the air. to my eyes, everything seemed to be weighted down by something heavy.
then when i got home, made a few phone calls and got my things a little more straightened out, my heart began to feel so much lighter and i felt like a weight got taken off my shoulder. and when i realised that, i looked up at the ceiling and saw the fan whirring rapidly and merrily, an almost happy hum coming from the turning of the fan blades. i looked at the floor and saw a beetle scuttling quickly across. even the drumming of my fingers on the coffee table seemed so much faster and lighter.
hmm. so i guess what i realised was that the way you feel inside really affects the way you see things on the outside. like if you're feeling down and gloomy, everything surrounding you will seem to take on that overcast tone. on the other hand, if you're feeling up and joyful, whatever's around you will seem to exude that exuberance and cheer. the bird singing its song will seem more merry, the sunshine on your face will feel that much warmer and brighter, even the wind blowing through your hair will seem more playful.
it took me long to totally rid myself of all the negativity of the last 2 years. i don't think i'll ever forget the turmoil, though. even an innocent visit to Dover market with a totally different group of people would be enough to dredge up unpleasant ghosts of the past - which i'd really rather remain just that, the past.
but remembering those things wouldn't bring all the hurt that used to be attached to them. not anymore.
a little twinge of bittersweetness, but that would be it, i think.
i'm moving on, man. not that my circumstances have really changed though!
haha. because. i realise that all that's different now is the way i've handled the whole affair!
guy, check. feelings, check. friend, check. unreciprocated, check. my stupidity, missing.
see!
before i get back to my marking (which is moving agonisingly slowly, by the way), i have to say here that
The Nanny is a perfect chill-out show.
it's superrrrrr bimbotic, superrrrr brainless and superrrrrr funny.
i used to be scared of Fran because of her big hair and short skirts.
but now, watching her always never fails to crack me up.
i could even laugh just now while i was watching it and doing my marking simultaneously.
