oh bloody hell. why do i keep doing this to myself? the mental torture and all.
i must be crazy.
i shouldn't be living my life through my phone, shouldn't be living all my life in some deluded dream - wonderful dream that it may be, shouldn't be living my life waiting for something that could never come, shouldn't be living and wasting my life caught up in my own overwhelming bouts of depression and fits of irrational jealousy.
what i
should be doing is grabbing whatever opportunity comes my way, should be smiling as often as i can 'cause as Chelsa said, "You never know who's admiring your smile!", should be looking ahead and forward to the realistic future, should be appreciating the wonderful people i have around me right now, should be loving them all and be grateful for the blessings i've been given.
but all those, i cannot seem to do consistently because i end up indulging in all the things i shouldn't be doing, even though i tell myself persistently that it's all wrong, it's plain stupid.
how a logical, rational creature like me can be so irrationally ruled by all that doesn't make sense is beyond me. i mean, i have a brain don't i? and my brain has the capacity to think, doesn't it? so why can't i, you know, just think about and concentrate on doing what i know is right?
bah, i annoy myself so often that i may just hate me sometimes.
Friendster is giving me a crapload of problems. i can't reply to my messages cos it's taking a hell of a long time to load.
maybe it's a sign that i should sign off the school computer, stop wasting my time and go do something productive.
but i have a
very important message that i wanna reply to NOW.
though why i feel the impulse to reply right here and now, i don't know.
as i said, i'm a creature highly ruled by impulse. i'd prefer my brain to have full control over my actions once in a while, but that seems like such a rare occurence nowadays.
and technology hates me. Friendster just WIPED OUT my entire reply and my home printer isn't working. which is why i'm here in the library in the first place - to print out some lit sample questions from the intranet.
okay. now that i can compose my message.
i don't know what to say. everything i type seems to look so fricking retarded to me.
whatever man, i'm getting out of this place for now.
a question that's been bugging me:
so,
did the mouse do it? or didn't it? or was it the pair of sunglasses?
cryptic questions never fail to keep me occupied.
