i'm starting to get lazy to update already (as can be seen from my month long hiatus, but that can be explained away by my spoilt computer.)
but at any rate, i'm back, albeit in a more introspective mood these days.
Cheryl and i had a few nice long bathroom chats during the retreat and we both came to the conclusion that i had a commitment problem.
which left me feeling a little lost after coming to that conclusion, 'cause i mean, i always thought that it wasn't typical of me to shirk my responsibilities. and i started to think, so does that mean that the me in secondary school wasn't really me? the councillor me, was that all a facade, all just a show to the world? and yet i thought it couldn't be, 'cause it all came so naturally. all the accepting of commitments and stepping up to responsibilities, it wasn't something i had to think about before doing. but now, i seem to want to do nothing but stay home and rot. and i can't figure out why, and that's what's been eating at me. whatever it is, i do know that i have to sort out the mess in my head before i can get down to studying for my prelims. either do that, or sweep away whatever's in my head just for now so i can concentrate on starting to study. focus, girl. but i do know that i've made a commitment to my church stuff for now and i intend to keep them. i desperately don't wanna make anymore mistakes. i've wasted the past year and a half of my life in one big mistake after the other, and i can't afford anymore of that.
so with that acknowledgement, i'm gonna start all over to make sure i don't repeat those same pitfalls. i know it's much much easier said then done, but i gotta start by doing something right?
yep. that was a rhetorical question, but anyway.
i spent the better half of the afternoon waiting for 3 songs to download and trying to play The Sims 2, which happily enough, did not work properly. if the game did work, i wouldn't be typing any of this in right now, nor would i be about to continue with my lit essay.
i swear, the game's damn addictive. i think it must be the hidden me inside that really relishes playing God.
my lit essay is one sheet of rubbish. i've been writing the same words over and over and even to my eyes, the essay seems horrid.
the poet wishes to portray the past as... etcetc
in 'A Visit to a Relative's House in Malaysia', the poet seems to want to present the past as...
the past is portrayed as... blah blah
tell me, with vocab like that, how am i going to pass my lit exam?
sigh.
i haven't really really studied this holidays and i'm feeling guilty now for all the excessive skiving and lolling around.
and the rest of my week's gonna be full too.
okay, no point in wishing that i'd studied more. what i can do now, though, is to finish off my stupid past essay. then maybe start on the warlit one.

3:38 PM;