when something goes wrong in your life, everything else seems to follow suit and turn out badly too.
it's like some warped law that dictates how bad things happen all at once.
i feel like i've been stuck in some sort of horrible spell lately! it's not just one thing. it's everything that's going haywire!
and so i feel like i'm losing control over my own life. i mean, if you can't even control how you feel, you're bound to feel powerless.
if you can't even wrest control over your own emotions, which is something that is so completely yours and noone else's, then how can you feel like you can control any other thing that doesn't belong so completely to yourself?
that's somewhat what i've been feeling lately i guess.
feelings of irritation, stress, depression, annoyance, anger, sadness - they just bubble up inside of me and threaten to overflow. and i can't even reign in these negative emotions! i've been trying to think happy and think peace, love, flowers. but i can't! my inner-self seems to have a life of its own.
what i feel is processed in my brain but it really and truly feels like i can FEEL it from the heart. i think that's what they mean by the phrase 'thinking with your heart'. although it's impossible to think with your heart 'cause i mean your heart is just an enormous muscle that basically pumps blood throughout the body.
and these days, i've been feeling like my head tells me to do something (
anything), but my body just will not or cannot respond, so in the end i don't do what my logic tells me to do.
school work and stupid drama are seriously stressing me up big time.
school work 'cause i've still got a million things to read - and that's just my lecture notes which i have to catch up on. i haven't even begun to fathom the real amount of reading that lies in wait for me when i include all the outside reading that i gotta get done soon. econs, gp and tourism-related articles which i have surreptiously clipped out from the straits times and newsweek lie in a tall heap on the floor, untouched and in a huge mess.
but i must say i've been having a renewed interest in my work! never have i felt so interested in physical geog in my last one year of life until i decided that streams are actually rather interesting after all.
i like streams 'cause of the romantic idea of pretty little brooks and streams running through untouched acres of countryside. like in the english or irish countryside described in literature.
BUT I HATE DRAMA.
ARGHHHH.
there is
no way anyone will be able to convince me otherwise.
recently, i've taken to thinking of giving a certain m_w_ a flower everytime i think of her irritating me.
i mean, why would i want to accumulate BAD KARMA like what she is most certainly doing right now?
so to distract myself from evil thoughts, i think of the hippies and their "love, peace, joy to the world!" kinda slogans. like how the preconceived hippies would always say "hey man don't fight! have a flower!" or something quite spastic as that.
and my friends all think that whenever i call them up now, it's all about camelot tickets. :(
i would like to think that i have better things to do other than sell stupid tickets.
