this is my new chant:
i'm tired
i'm tired
i'm freaking flatout tired.
my chant's changed from last week's one, which was:
I... YOU... US!!!
i won't even go into how chels and i came up with it.
i'm falling sick i think. had a blocked nose which made it difficult for me to talk properly and made my voice verrrry nasal and whiny. had a stuck left ear due to the pressure imbalance in my nose and elsewhere in my head.
it's damn frustrating to have stuck everythings!
and. i'm normally quite a huge fan of air-conditioning. i mean, i sleep in an air-con room every night and have been doing that ever since i was like, born.
but that doesn't mean i like to be in air-con 24/7 in temperatures that register as 24degrees but seem closer to the sub-zero arctic temperatures fat polar bears call home.
my ac sweater just isn't warm enough!
like today in the library during
dc which i got thrown into for being late this morning.
i left home at the usual time this morning. 635am i think.
but eng neo avenue leading to bukit timah was jammed like hell. cars were stationary all the way up to the exit of the expressway.
when i saw the mess of cars i KNEW i was gonna be late. without a doubt.
and i was right!
but anyway. dc today was quite productive for me. even though i was just freezing over in the polar atmosphere.
managed to sit myself down and finish my long-overdue aq!
plus, i made myself read about 10pages of
The Return of the Native, which has seriously got to be one of the more
boring books i've ever read in my 17years on earth.
it's a bit like reading shakespeare.
when i read shakespeare's stuff, i have to really really concentrate on reading sentence by sentence and take ample care to make sure that i don't end up reading the lines word by word. 'cause i think when you read stuff word by word, you don't exactly get the whole picture. everything's kinda fragmented.
and seriously, after reading
Antony and Cleopatra over the last Good Friday weekend, i was exhausted.
my brain felt... brain-dead, for lack of a better word to insert here.
i was just thinking.
what happens if you know, in all seriousness and certainty, that something can never ever happen and that wishing that it'll happen someday is completely useless.
what happens if in spite of knowing all that, you still want that thing?
does that make it unwavering faith in God?
or is that just wishful thinking?
i don't know you know.
i
want to face up to reality and accept that... yeah, accept that things are like that now.
yet i
want it so bad.
wanting things that you can't have is just a waste of everything.
you're oblivious to everything else around you that's unrelated to that thing you want and only have space in your crowded heart for that one unreachable thing.
so you lose out on opportunities.
you lose out on things that could be but will never be.
you lose out when you waste your time, your brain space, your emotions.
and yet in spite of all that you lose, the very littlest mundane things make you happy and make that smile creep onto your face.
in e4 class on wednesday, mrscreffield was telling us about why a large number of the lit works that appeared immediately after the end of world war 1 was poetry.
and she said it's 'cause poems allow you to pour out that one single emotion into that piece of writing.
poems often convey raw, singular emotions, and many soldiers wrote poems in their little notebooks they kept with them in between trench battles.
it's true i think, 'cause some well-written poems really strike me as poignant and intense.
and... the symbolism and imagery really make poems seem deeper than they really are. often, once you see through the symbols that appear constantly throughout, all that remains is the sole powerful emotion of the poet, and that's what strikes me as poignant.
alright alright. enough musings for today.
off to catch american idol results!
i hope anwar and carrie get to stay this week. i hope i hope i hope!
